Disclaimer post

I am not turning into a grumpy turd. I am not constantly selfish and feeling sorry for myself. Though I have been kind of a jerk lately, I do acknowledge that my life is pretty great and I am generally happy. There are customers that I actually enjoy and who are pleasant and have made a point of remembering my name and that makes me feel like maybe they are not all evil.

Though I do feel trapped occasionally, I feel lucky to be employed and to have a job that is not humiliating. I get to work with beautiful things and I get a discount. I learn about food and cooking and science and design and fabric and marketing. I love my co-workers; they are my friends and family.

Finding balance, taking the good days and the bad, this clerk will get by and it will be okay.

Customers are not unique like snowflakes; they are more like slush

If there are so many types of people in the world, everyone being special and unique, why are so many customers the same? We clerks can be similar because we have training and policy. Customers will say and do the same things over and over, each one thinking they are the clever one to come up with it. A classic example is gift wrap, but there are more.

When I go shopping, I barely speak anymore because I fear that I am mindlessly repeating phrases that clerks hear all day.

Diarrhea of the Heart

I didn't want to write too much about my heartbreak/break up/weirdness because I am trying not to dwell on it. And he could read it. But the damn thing is effecting me alot and at work too.

When it is slow and I am pacing or straightening shelves or folding napkins, I think about it. The thought that living closer may have made a difference eats away at me. I get intensely depressed when it seems that being poor and stuck could cost me happiness. My co-worker tries to console me with a story of her "Good thing, bad timing" romance, but it also depresses me because, when applied to me, I have no control over my crappy, simple, wage-slave life.

I want to run away. I was hatching a plan with some friends to move to a different city, but it seems the job scarcity issue could squelch that. So this is my life. I am the clerk: lean, poor, thrifty, and scrappy. I am surrounded by caricatures of consumers. My love might as well live on the moon.

Christmas is coming.

They are prepping for Christmas at our store, or the Holidays, as I refer to it for customers. "We get more of (whatever weird item they want) around the Holidays." The timing for displaying seasonal merchandise is tricky; you want to do it soon enough that there is plenty of time to sell it at full price, but not so soon as to shock customers.

The funny thing is that usually customers usually ask for the seasonal items before we have them out. "When are you going to get your Thanksgiving stuff?" Then other customers complain that we are forcing the holidays on them too early.

One of my favorite times of year is when we have both Christmas and Halloween items on the floor at the same time. Why not have some glittery spiders or bats or pumpkins on your Christmas tree?

Weekly Highlights. I mean rants.

-The old man who was pissed off that we didn't have a pineapple peeler. Is that what getting old is about? Obsessing about weird tools that will allegedly make it easier to peel an expensive fruit with a spiny exterior that is clearly saying "I do not want to be eaten!"? By the way, I love pineapple, and when I went on a cruise, I ate my weight in pineapple. But the tool this man wanted (one that would make the little rings like canned pineapple) would waste a lot of precious juicy flesh, so it is a stupid tool for the home kitchen. And is a knife any more difficult to use?

-The lady that was upset when the glassware she bought in the past was discontinued. I don't know why people are always surprised when something is not made anymore. She came in to get some glasses, because she broke 2, and we only had the larger size left. "Oh, I'm just sick!!" she said as she freaked out. Really? You are sickened because you can no longer buy the stupid, cheap, boring glasses to match the ones in your home? While I can maybe see how this could be mildly disappointing, becoming sickened by it seems extreme. When I think of what might make me "sick," I think of genocide, famine, and racism.

-I sold a kitchen scale to a woman yesterday and was highly amused by the photo on the packaging. It featured a pristine kitchen, a clear counter, and on the scale, a single, perfect grapefruit half. Who weighs half a grapefruit? Obviously an attempt to appeal to dieters or people who think they might diet. Why not show the scale being used as a baking tool? Weighing ingredients for perfect results? Because food is bad and it makes you fat. If you had a scale, you would weigh your food and you wouldn't be such a fat ass pig.

-Yesterday a woman brought back a coffee maker. "I can't use it because the plug is too big!" She was being loud and had gotten herself all worked up before she came in. She was rambling on about how the plug didn't work in her outlet. As I half-listened to her babbling, I thought to myself, "I'm sure there is a ridiculously simple solution to this problem." I nodded and uh-huhed and proceded to process her return. "I want to see you plug it in!" She insisted. Really? She was going to make me shame her? I unpacked the coffee maker and looked at the plug. It had a plastic cover over the little cord tongs. Problem solved.

My boyfriend broke up with me and all I have is work

Yesterday morning my boyfriend broke up with me through an email. It was a nice email, considering its purpose. He lives on the other side of the country, so when I tell people we broke up, the look in their eyes saws that it was inevitable. We met at a weird time. I'm sad.

I am so grateful for my co-workers. They listen to me while I dissect every detail and give support and insight into relationships, men, and life. They cover me if I have to run off and cry. They even bought me icecream and flowers.

We are a family and I love them. Even when they make messes or misinform customers or don't wash their breakroom dishes.

Plastic Bags

I try to ask customers if they "need" plastic bags. I do this purposely and avoid the word "want." Sometimes you just know someone wouldn't think of not taking a bag, so you sack up their purchase without that conversation.

Occasionally you will get a customer that asks for a bag and then is really excited by the bag. "This is a nice bag!" they say, "I will definitely reuse it!" These people are the ones that have been trying not to take bags when they do their shopping, only to find that they rely on them at home. The reused bag is the doggie poop bag, their trash liner, their car seat cover. Those plastic bags which were once a nuisance and crowded their cupboards are now precious objects and guilty pleasures. They take a bag because they need one to be a shield between their hand and gross realities.

I will admit that I had that thought. "What will I line the trash can with?" But you know what I did? I just didn't line it. And though the trash can make get a little dirtier without its plastic bag condom, IT IS A TRASH CAN. It is made for garbage. I hose it out once in awhile and call it good.

Try it customers! Set yourself free!