Weekly Highlights

-There was this adorable mother and daughter shopping together. They would look at items and then mention someone they know that would enjoy that item. What made this different and hilarious is that all of their people had nicknamey names. Like, "Wouldn't Buffy love one of these floral print insulated lunch bags?" And "Peanut would really get a kick out of the bacon floss." It made me want to use more nicknames.

- After I rang a woman up on Saturday, she held up the line while she looked over her receipt. "I just want to make sure you did everything right," she said. I always tell people it's great to look at their receipts immediately because if there are mistakes, it's easier to fix them (it was kind of dick of her to hold up the line, though). "At the last store I was at, the clerk overcharged me." So of course I probably did too. "The clerk caught it though. Apparently something rang up wrong." AH, so the clerk didn't overcharge you; rather, she caught a mistake that was not her fault and saved you from an overcharge. But because retail is entry level work, the people working it must be stupid and none of them should be trusted.

-Yesterday there was this middle aged couple arguing over which ceramic birds to buy as a gift for a friend. They spent 20 minutes picking out the ones with the best expression and head tilt. Then they didn't want to pay for the $2 gift wrap (the friend must not be that special; I wrapped them in tissue and put them in a t-shirt bag) and kept asking me if they could get a gift receipt. Maybe I am a jerky Scrooge, but if it is that hard to pick out a gift for someone and you don't even know if they will like it at all and must give a gift receipt, maybe they don't need a gift. Or maybe you should just give them cash. I want to start a revolution. There is no shame in a gift card. This is the future.

-A different couple yesterday was looking at knives. "I'm confused by your signs. You have them listed in centimeters here, but not in the display case." It was obvious that she wanted to show off her knowledge of the metric system. It was a big fail though. Faking that you don't understand imperial measurements makes you look stupid. Also, look at the fucking knives. Which one looks like it's 9 centimeters? And that particular one was a completely different shape from all the other knives in the case. Match the picture to the item. You know a centimeter; imagine 9 of them.

-And my favorite. A woman called asking if we had a scentless room deodorizer. Her problem was that the bathroom at her work has no ventilation, and when people stink it up (my words, not hers), other co-workers complain about it. But when she puts in odor masking aids, the co-workers complain that the "fake perfumey" smells bother their allergies. I told her about the wildly popular spray and crystals we sell, but mentioned that they DO still have a scent and that even though they are quite pleasant and natural, they are still a scent. I wanted to tell her that maybe she should tell her sensitive yet complaining co-workers that they will just have to wallow in each others' shit clouds. But I didn't. But I think she should.