Saturday, April 21, 2012

Sandwich

Shortly after we opened today, a customer was browsing and trying out sofas, all the while eating a sandwich.  Like, walking around, sitting down, standing up, bending over to read price tags, play lounging, and grinding a fucking sandwich in her maw.  It wasn't just one bite; she walked around and finished the whole sandwich and crumpled up the wrapper when she left.

This seemed really weird to me.  First of all, she probably got crumbs everywhere, but she didn't seem to gives two shits about that.  Then, I could see and hear her chewing.  I greeted her and before she could respond she had to swallow.  Eew.  Plus, this does not seem like a satisfying way to eat.  She didn't plant her ass in a sofa and eat, she was speed shopping and wolfing her food.  That can't be healthy.

After she left, I tried to imagine what it would be like to eat a sandwich while running my errands.  The mental picture of eating a sandwich awkwardly amused me greatly.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Suggested sunny day etiquette

Spring is here!  Yea!  We all love the longer days and warmer weather!  Now that it's April, there are farmer's markets opening up everywhere.  If you live in a town with a farmer's market and you don't work weekends, there is a good chance you will be out of your house, picking up some veggies and exploring stores you haven't been to in awhile.  Here are some tips for interacting with clerks on sunny days without being a dick.

1. Do not bring up the beautiful weather unless the clerk does first.  Nothing is more depressing to the clerk than to have a customer come up gushing about the beautiful day and all the yard work they are going to get done and praising the glorious sunshine and then leave saying something like, "hope you get out there!"  Because there is a good chance they won't get out there.  And you have just reminded them of all the things they would like to be doing but can't because they are serving you.  You may think "why should I care if they get depressed about their job?  Why should I curb my enthusiasm?"  Well, because you can.  Because you are powerful and strong and in control.  That's why.

2. Your kids are cute and so smart, but you still should make sure they don't terrorize other humans.  Not everyone is in as good a mood as you.  Instill some manners in your kids and have them practice leaving their razor scooter outside and not shouting or spilling smoothies indoors.  Don't keep them indoors too long; take them to the park already.


3. Instead of gushing about the sunshine directly, take on a sunny attitude.  If it's a beautiful day and you are feeling good, be friendly to the people around you.  (This goes for everyone).

THANK YOU HAVE A NICE DAY.