This is a disgusting confession, but I really want to tell it. Today I ran off the sales floor, flat out disappeared, because I thought I was going to shit my pants. Without going into detail, I will tell you that this is extremely unusual; most foods and situations, regardless of size or spice, pass through me like a big calm.
I was secretly humiliated. How, HOW are we at such mercy to our bowels? I could not even call for back up, such was my urgency. And the whole time I kept thinking "does someone need help finding a rug at this moment? If they miss me, can I claim 'sickness'?"
Next time you can't find sales staff as quickly as you'd like, remember this story. They might be off attending to an issue beyond their control. Don't forget to wash your hands!