Self-medicating

Yesterday at work I had a horrible headache that I did not deserve. Maybe I did not eat enough morning food? I had a snack and still a headache. Maybe I just needed more coffee, to get up to my usual caffeine levels? More coffee just made me achy and jumpy.

The pain was intense. I started desperately asking around for aspirin or advil or anything! Someone offered me a generic vicodin, and even though I am often hesitant about taking euphoria-inducing substances at work, I did it because my temples were throbbing.

That was good while it lasted. I could still feel the pain, but I could separate myself from it. Finally I just gave up and decided I had to take the pain and fully experience it. The Happy Duck and broken Point Of Sale system helped me.

When I got home, my headache was gone. My memories of customers from yesterday have blended into a vision of a hundred-headed monster, waving a spatula and a waffle maker, coffee spewing out of its blowhole and a phone coming out of its butt.

F***. You make it too easy, Happy Duck.

At my store, we sell this toy, the Happy Duck. I try not to have any strong feelings about it because obviously you are supposed to be annoyed with it. But the demon constantly tempts me to hate.

Someone turned it on today and let it go for a long time. I didn't time it, but I did start to wonder how long one could listen before the brain explodes. I was praying that it would accidentally roll out the open door, into the street and be crushed.

We sell this for $19.95. Please, if you are thinking of buying this, give me the $20 instead. I need to get my swimsuit area waxed.