It's like we threw a party, but nobody came

Another slow Wednesday today, which is just as bad as a real Freakout Wednesday.

On Monday, someone burned some coffee and food onto one of the burners in the staff room, so the whole basement smells like an ashtray. I was secretly enjoying it because it reminded me of my grandma's house. She was a clean freak and an indoor smoker. My grandma died 10 years ago, but the scent association lives on.

One of our vendors makes this little sectional sofa with a "versatile" ottoman and chaise pad. The problem is that when you are not using the chaise pad, the ottoman is topped with this ugly beige cloth that does not match and can not be hidden. One of our employees suggested they cover it with the matching polyester velvet and today they sent us a picture of the new ottoman. It was the crappiest, lamest picture ever. Taken from above and photocopied, faxed, and emailed within an inch of its life, it looked like a slab of butter. I feigned excitement.

I am readdicted to candy. Eating out of boredom. Dangerous!

Fantasy world part 1

I had a woman ask me today about the various cleaning tools we sell. I really hate to talk about all the cleaning tools because I sort of think most of them are bullshit. Like, how many microfiber wands do you need? Many of the people that buy the cleaning tools are extremely anal and want to make sure they get the "right tool for the right job," and they can't handle my relaxed, "they'll ALL do the job, man" attitude.

But this lady was a little wacky. She was jittery as all get out and glupping on a diet Wired beverage while we were talking. She wanted to know which tool to use to clean her floor. I showed her. She told me she already had that one and wanted to know what to use when they were REALLY dirty. I don't like to hear about people's filthy homes. I am a messy person and would rather spend my money on wine rather than expensive cleaning products. A cleaning discussion can lead dangeroulsy close back to my own dirty home. And that home is not part of my customer service fantasy world.

My fantasy home is tidy; a place for everything and everything in its place. I have tasteful wood and tile throughout, light filled rooms with charming window treatments, mismatched and well loved furniture. My kitchen is an epicenter of activity, and all my tools are smartly stored on hooks, bars, and shelves. My bathroom is a spotless getaway reminscent of the interior of a seashell. And my room, so unlike all the rooms of my past, is devoid of any possessions; a soft, warm place to sleep, read and think.

So I let them think, and hide my mess within.