Sunday, September 26, 2010

Cute customers MMX

-There was kid, maybe 11 or 12, shopping with her mom. At one point, she was alone in a corner, looking at some candles, when this old rich woman came up to her and started asking her questions about products. The look on the young girl's face was HIlarious. And the woman was nearly old enough to have been a child laborer in her youth, so maybe that is why she had no problem demanding service from a preteen.

-I am all for people wearing whatever they want. I love a wacky outfit. If everyone was stylish and tasteful, it would be a very boring world. A young woman came in the other day wearing patent red leather clogs, jeans, white and navy striped sailor shirt, red puffy vest, red straw cowboy hat, and a red leather doctor's bag. It was a little crazy, like, she couldn't decide what to be that day and I enjoyed it much.

-Sometimes kids are not cute. Just because they are little people doesn't mean they are always precious. Aesthetically they may be pleasing to the eye: chubby cheeks, little pigtails, large eyes full of wonder, dimples and fat rolls and tiny shoes. One of the hardest things for me to fake is the "oh, he's so cute!!" when the little darling is destroying merchandise and displays with no parental intervention and fouling up the breathable air with atomic shit diapers when parents tell them to wait just a few minutes instead of taking them immediately to the bathroom. Perhaps I sound cruel, but I do not have to love your child, just as I do not have to love you, customer.

-I've had several customers lately that call asking for a VERY SPECIFIC item, which of course we never have. Then they tell me about how they saw one of these things on their vacation to Awesome Locale. They saw their host or a skilled street vendor or a little peasant woman using this Perfect Tool and they need one for themselves. The unaskable question in my mind is: why didn't you buy the damn thing when you were there? Doesn't that seem like the perfect souvenir? Way better than a t-shirt or a mug or blood diamonds?

-Yesterday I was helping some customers with their food slicing problems. For once, I actually had some experience and knowledge on the subject. I recommended 3 tools, giving the pros and cons of each, along with some other alternatives that were free or found outside of our store. Then they turned around (literally. it was on the shelf behind them.) and bought some completely different useless novelty gadget that totally sucks. I think they thought I was trying to upsell them and I was totally not. I find upselling repulsive and counterproductive in the end. Customers, I TRULY want you to the have the right item, whether it is $2 or $2000. Please consider that I might actually be a good honest person.

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