On Christmas Eve Eve, someone (a customer) attempted to steal an expensive kitchen appliance. They had separated the pieces and hidden the valuable parts. We found the hidden parts and were relieved that they didn't get away with it.
Then, on New Year's Eve Eve, someone stole a more expensive version of the same appliance, even though we took precautions and tried to make it difficult by stapling them down. This time, we have not found the missing unit, which makes us suspect that it was the same person, this time determined to get it.
Thievery really pisses me off. We are not a big corporation. We are doing well enough to stay in business and try another year. It feels like a personal attack. But catching shoplifters is hard! They are sneaky motherfuckers.
Thieves, I hate you. You make my work life unnecessarily difficult. If I had three wishes*, one wish would be to know your identity. Then I could find out about you and make YOUR life difficult because you fucking deserve it.
*ok, maybe I wouldn't REALLY want to waste one of these precious hypothetical wishes on you because you are a fucking jackass and I have so many better things to think about. But I am terribly curious. TERRIBLY.
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I have a co-worker I'd love to send to you. He'll drive everyone he works with to mild flights of insanity, but he is extremely good at the whole process of apprehending shoplifters. The rest of us of "greet/be nice" the hell out of the lifters and let him know where they are.
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