Saturdays

-I've said this before, but it is another one of those human mysteries that will disgust and baffle me until the end of my life: people will lay their garbage anywhere. Coffee cups, wrappers, old food: regardless of the store they are visiting or how close a trash bin is located, when they are done with whatever is in their hands, they just set it down. Or throw it into a trash receptacle shaped object; basket on the floor that is tall and cylindrical (and full of pristine, nicely folded merchandise)? Toss that shit in!

-My latest piece of merchandise that I judge people by? The faucet soap dish. I'm sorry. I just don't get it. And when I hear someone going on and on about how cute it is, I am bewildered.

-It's sort of spring time, I GUESS, but the winter scarf and flip-flop combo doesn't look very much fun. You know those are the people who drive.

-I was helping this man who was, um, not white select a food processor. Then we went to the cash register so he could make his purchase. There were some details that made the transaction a little longer than most, but the annoying thing was that these middle class white old broads kept interrupting! Like, while I was TALKING to the man, they start asking me questions. I told them I would be happy to help as soon as I was finished helping my first customer. Then when he was paying, they stood there watching with annoyance. Bitches! You're not that great and I bet your meatloaf sucks.

Judge Judgy McJudger

It is a well known fact that small, enticing items are placed by the cash register in hopes of capturing impulse sales. At my work, we have little pocket books of Sudoku puzzles by the register.

Today was mentally excruciating for me. It was slow and my mind was a hundred other places, thinking about everything I want to do with Life. The few customers we had were weird and boring. Like, they weren't even weird enough to be entertaining; they were just roll-your-eyes boring.

At one point a family of adults came in. On the customer scale (which ranges from trailer-living meth head to multi-homeowning celebrity wife), they seemed to lean more towards hard-working white christian/others with redneck tendencies. The mother bought a few things and even though she was very sweet, I just didn't have the patience to provide narration for her big day out, shoppin' at the fancy store and lookin' at all the purdy things.

She was on her way out when you spotted the seductive little pocket Sudoku book. She thumbed through it a bit, and then asked "how do you play this game?" I was never a Sudoku nut. Or not yet, anyway. I couldn't really tell her, but I knew enough that I thought I could explain it so that she could decide whether or not to buy it.

Fail I did. She looked at me with a sweet, perplexed look and I tried to explain it a different way. Me, explaining a number puzzle I don't even play in a newer fresher way than the way I did 70 seconds ago: not pretty. Any understanding she had was completely lost. "That's too much for my little brain," she said and moseyed on out.

I ate a marshmallow, had a slurp of tea, and continued with my plans.