countdown to T-day

We are starting to feel the panic and desperation as customers realize that Thanksgiving is on Thursday.    Customers found all sorts of ways to be impatient and take cuts in line, my favorite being, "I just have a question."  And that question requires a 30 minute response and a personal tour of the store.

Also, many customers seemed to be drunk.  Whether it is a lifestyle choice or Sunday afternoon recreation, it is all annoying.  If normal people are impatient and indignant, drunk people are doubly so, regardless of the absurdity of their questions.

I want everyone to settle down, accept that you can't have everything you want all the time always and go eat some flippin' turkey.

How To Use A Fry Pan (because you really do have to be told)

I am not a chef, a scientist, an engineer, or a metalworker.  There are many articles and books that I have not read thoroughly and committed to memory; I have glanced through them.  I am in a unique position though.  I wouldn't call myself an expert, but I am a person that has used a lot of pans.  I also have years of observation and feedback from thousands of customers, plus the feedback and knowledge from my co-workers.  They are serious cooks and have been in the cookware business for decades.  So they know pans.

Everyday I sell pans to customers.  Some of them I get to talk to and discuss the pans in detail, but others just come in and buy and I always worry that they don't know what they are getting into.  A very high percentage of the pans that we get back from customers have been misused and abused.  Some pans are just not right for some people.  I think lifestyle and expectations should be considered when selecting cookware, even before food preference and stoves.

So here we go.

Never use Pam or other cooking sprays if you care about your cookware (or bakeware for that matter).  The propellents and oils will, with heat and time, cause a muck on your pans that is a royal pain to remove.  I don't know of anyone that has actually taken the time to do so.  It's probably cheaper to get a new pan at that point.  Use olive oil or butter or get one of those pump spray bottles.  If I don't think I can trust myself with pouring oil right into a pan, I pour a little oil in a little bowl and use a little silicone brush to apply it to the pan or the food.  If convenience is more important to you than pan life, go ahead and use cooking spray.  Just don't be surprised when I point out in the pan usage instructions that they don't recommend it.

Never use high heat.  Everyone thinks they have some special cooking method that requires high heat, but that is delusion.  The whole point of having a nice pan is that it will perform well and you don't HAVE to use high heat because it is so efficient.  But people LOVE to put their pans on and crank it to HIGH 10.  Just don't.  Maybe the pan can handle high heat, but that doesn't mean it should always be used that way.  That being said, if you will need high heats, get a pan that you can bring back from the dead, which you will need to do inevitably if that is your cooking method.  Get cast iron or stainless steel and stay away from non-stick.

"If I don't use high heat, how am I supposed to get my pan hot??"  This is how:  when you step into the kitchen to cook, put your pan on the heat first thing before anything else.  But don't put it at cooking heat.  Put it on low and let it heat up slowly while you prep your ingredients.  That way, by the time you're ready with the food, it will be hot.  Once the food is in, you may turn it to medium if needed.  In all my dealings with pans, it seems that this preheating step is really the secret to everything.

I know that sometimes you learn something one way and that is the way you've always done it, but sometimes it is good to try other things, especially when the person suggesting it has very good reasons to try.  So if you find yourself in these burn-your-sticky-pan-to-shit people, try something else.   Because my pans look great and I use them all the time!

Screw thy neighbor

I dislike when customers use "shopping local" in a threatening manner.  Like, "I want to shop local, but . . ." only if you comply with my absurd demands and take my abuse with a smile.

These are not the people asking for the best price or about upcoming sales or returning merchandise that truly did not perform.  It's more like, "I think this $400 U.S. made chair should cost $75" and "If you don't take back this pan that I burnt to my stove, then I won't register here next spring when I get married and I'll tell all my friends not to register here.  And I don't have a receipt."

Not that such behavior is ever excusable, but it is especially horrifying when you consider that we are a small business and these are people we will see out in the community.  I feel equal parts hate and pity for them.  All I can do is stand my ground and hope for karmic justice.  And hope I get to watch.

Red October

Working in a place that sells seasonal items, I am careful what I wear so as to avoid comments that annoy me.  October is the hardest month for dressing.

Orange is out for October because it smacks of Halloween.  Trying it with other colors is possible, but combos that are edgy and fun the rest of the year look costume-y in October.  

Black is basic, but if you overdo it in October, you could draw out some Morticia comments.

Pink will be associated with Breast Cancer Awareness.  Being aware of breast cancer and supporting victims and survivors is not a bad thing; I just don't like that all of a sudden, a color I wear all the time comes to mean one thing.  And that thing is breast cancer thanks to all the pinkwashing that goes on.  

Rust and chocolate brown and other earth tones will not necessarily say "HALLOWEEN!", but those autumnal colors will blend nicely with the fall décor, and people will comment on that.

You also have to be careful with greens and purples.  Depending on the tone, they could go weird and speak Halloween, so I will be sticking with forest and olive and blackberry and saving lime, jade, fuchsia, and royal purple for November.

October is a good time to wear all the red that you can't wear once Christmas hits the store.  So go do it.

BOREDOM

Enticed by more pay and a key, I took on more responsibility at work.  It has been a couple of years now and I just realized today that I am never bored anymore.  Not that I am the sort of person to ever get bored, but there were definitely mind-numbing moments.  I have described them here.

Now, I have so much going on that I never seem to finish.  There are always projects on projects and policies to consider and people to wrangle.  And at any moment I have to drop it to help someone find that perfect napkin.

I don't feel like my rise in responsibility was necessarily exclusive; I was just eager.  So dullards, pick it up or shut up.

In praise of stuff

Working in a store that sells Things has made me extremely sensitive to people's reactions to Stuff.  My job is dependent on customers buying product with the changing seasons, buying new instead of used, and buying quality.

Almost everyday I have semi-joking confession-esque conversations with customers who own way too many votive candle holders, table linens, throw pillows, or dishes.  But it's in a fun way, with a gentle head shake and a smile.  Like, 'oh I'm such a napkin rascal!'

Frequently on Facebook or blogs, I see posts about getting rid of stuff.  That Fight Club mantra "the things you own end up owning you."  Kill your television, own less, work less, buy only what you absolutely need.  If you've ever watched Hoarders, Storage Wars, or Hoarding: Buried Alive, you probably get itchy and want to throw everything away.

But, oh man, having stuff can be so great!  Have you ever been in a very full, but very organized house?  It's sort of awesome!  Some stuff-haters would turn "museum" into a bad word and use it against such places, but screw them.

Collecting stuff can be fun and rewarding.  I think many collectors would agree that it is mostly about the hunt.  As long as you are enjoying the experience of finding that Thing and not thinking you are doing your kids a favor by amassing salt and pepper shakers, it is fairly harmless.  

Develop your tastes.  Maybe instead of Beanie Babies, you could collect artisanal stuffies from Etsy or your local craft fairs.  Learn the history and evolution of your favorite items and be picky.  Only keep the coolest and hardest to find.  

Sometimes it's great to buy a New Thing.  Yea, you could live with that couch you got from your parents.  It's not too ugly and it serves it's purpose.   But a new, clean, comfy sofa can be the best thing you ever bought, especially if you are actually going to use it.  Do research, both with your head and your bottom, buy the best you can afford, buy something you love and don't feel guilty.  

If you have hobbies or are undertaking any projects, having the right tool can make all the difference.  And buying and owning the tool can make the whole process easier and more fun.  You may find yourself saying "how did I live without a rubber mallet all these years?" and meaning it.  Sometimes once you have a certain tool, you find it's useful for all sorts of things.  Stuff-haters will tell you to borrow instead of buying, but who are they borrowing from?  Someone has to own the shit first.

Your stuff should give you pleasure.  When you use or gaze upon it, you should feel happiness.  If you feel stress, anxiety, or depression, you need to get rid of it.  If you are shopping to fill voids in your life, you should look deeply into them and change something.  Duh, don't have more stuff than you have space.  And, duh, edit your shit once in a while and have a yardsale.  

observations and opinions

- I am always amused when customers describe something they have or want and it basically co-ordinates with what they are wearing.  Like "Our living room is sort of blue with a beige couch and a sage green rug.  And we have bright teal blue accents" and the lady will be wearing a khaki shirt, green pants, a jean jacket and turquoise jewelry.  That example is pretty basic.  It is even funnier when the colors are bolder and more specific and they incorporate patterns.

- Parents that refuse to mind their children are a nuisance.  There were two moms shopping together the other day and one of them had a toddler.  They let that baby tear up the store.  They also did not want to be bothered and made that clear by being cold and bitchy after I greeted them with a 'hello.'  I was watching them from across the store.  When other people, shoppers or employees, were near them, they would mildly watch the toddler, though they never asked him not to touch things or to "stay with mommy."  When no one was around, they just let him go.  At one point he ran away and was completely out of their sight, though I was watching because we don't need an injured baby and broken merchandise.  These weren't trashy methhead parents.  I know judging parents based on the minutes they are in the store might seem harsh, but why wouldn't they watch their kid?  It is not a playground.  He was grabbing things that were not meant for play.  And you know what?  Most parents manage to watch their kids.

- It's awesome when customers walk through the store, looking at merchandise, and loudly state to anyone within 25 feet that they could find the items cheaper elsewhere, and often they will name that other location.  Initially I was annoyed by these people because I didn't know why they even wasted time coming in if they were just going to bad mouth everything and ruin the experience for other people.  Now I just feel sorry for them because they can't control the volume of their voice and it appears that they just discovered the internet.  How embarrassing.

- Sometimes you take a community education class and you meet people and then later they come into your store as a customer and they are jerks.  You might try some small talk, appreciate the community you are creating, but they are on some power trip and want to keep you in your place.  Sometimes you have to give up and let them be assholes, but you don't have to tell them to "have a nice day."

- Here is an incomplete list of things that customers ask for occasionally.  These things would best be found in thrift or antique stores.  You might think, "if people are asking for them, why wouldn't you sell them?"  There are many boring answers to that.  Here is the list:

garlic roasters
cutting board for loaves of bread with slots in the bottom
bread cages to hold bread while you cut it
microwave bacon cookers
decorative copper pots
fancy glass lidded candy dish