-The college students that made us part of there sociolinguistics experiment. It was my least favorite kind of conversation. The guy asked us for a product and then let us ramble on. We did ramble because he wasn't speaking, just looking at us like he wanted answers. Very awkward. In a conversation, both people talk. We didn't know we were part of an experiment until after.
-I was coming back from lunch one day and saw a customer leaving the store. As she walked, she was frantically scraping away the price tag from a card she had just bought. I still do not understand why people freak out so much about price tags on cards. Everyone knows how much cards cost. People do not keep cards forever; after the card has served its purpose, it is thrown out.
-The theme of the week was lovely, stunning women with ugly, fat hairy men.
-Parents running through the store after their toddlers, yelling at them: "Malcom, don't touch that. Malcom, mommy said come here. Malcom, no touching." "Avery Jane, do you have to poop? Avery Jane, mommy and daddy are leaving now. Avery Jane, come here."
-Yet again, I had to explain to a person that you can indeed break glass and you don't get a refund when it happens. I really despise people that think they can make up a warranty. Just because a drinking glass was expensive doesn't mean you get free replacements for life every time you drop one on your tile floor. I mean, tough shit. If you can't afford to lose it, maybe you shouldn't buy it.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Weekly Highlights
-There was this adorable mother and daughter shopping together. They would look at items and then mention someone they know that would enjoy that item. What made this different and hilarious is that all of their people had nicknamey names. Like, "Wouldn't Buffy love one of these floral print insulated lunch bags?" And "Peanut would really get a kick out of the bacon floss." It made me want to use more nicknames.
- After I rang a woman up on Saturday, she held up the line while she looked over her receipt. "I just want to make sure you did everything right," she said. I always tell people it's great to look at their receipts immediately because if there are mistakes, it's easier to fix them (it was kind of dick of her to hold up the line, though). "At the last store I was at, the clerk overcharged me." So of course I probably did too. "The clerk caught it though. Apparently something rang up wrong." AH, so the clerk didn't overcharge you; rather, she caught a mistake that was not her fault and saved you from an overcharge. But because retail is entry level work, the people working it must be stupid and none of them should be trusted.
-Yesterday there was this middle aged couple arguing over which ceramic birds to buy as a gift for a friend. They spent 20 minutes picking out the ones with the best expression and head tilt. Then they didn't want to pay for the $2 gift wrap (the friend must not be that special; I wrapped them in tissue and put them in a t-shirt bag) and kept asking me if they could get a gift receipt. Maybe I am a jerky Scrooge, but if it is that hard to pick out a gift for someone and you don't even know if they will like it at all and must give a gift receipt, maybe they don't need a gift. Or maybe you should just give them cash. I want to start a revolution. There is no shame in a gift card. This is the future.
-A different couple yesterday was looking at knives. "I'm confused by your signs. You have them listed in centimeters here, but not in the display case." It was obvious that she wanted to show off her knowledge of the metric system. It was a big fail though. Faking that you don't understand imperial measurements makes you look stupid. Also, look at the fucking knives. Which one looks like it's 9 centimeters? And that particular one was a completely different shape from all the other knives in the case. Match the picture to the item. You know a centimeter; imagine 9 of them.
-And my favorite. A woman called asking if we had a scentless room deodorizer. Her problem was that the bathroom at her work has no ventilation, and when people stink it up (my words, not hers), other co-workers complain about it. But when she puts in odor masking aids, the co-workers complain that the "fake perfumey" smells bother their allergies. I told her about the wildly popular spray and crystals we sell, but mentioned that they DO still have a scent and that even though they are quite pleasant and natural, they are still a scent. I wanted to tell her that maybe she should tell her sensitive yet complaining co-workers that they will just have to wallow in each others' shit clouds. But I didn't. But I think she should.
- After I rang a woman up on Saturday, she held up the line while she looked over her receipt. "I just want to make sure you did everything right," she said. I always tell people it's great to look at their receipts immediately because if there are mistakes, it's easier to fix them (it was kind of dick of her to hold up the line, though). "At the last store I was at, the clerk overcharged me." So of course I probably did too. "The clerk caught it though. Apparently something rang up wrong." AH, so the clerk didn't overcharge you; rather, she caught a mistake that was not her fault and saved you from an overcharge. But because retail is entry level work, the people working it must be stupid and none of them should be trusted.
-Yesterday there was this middle aged couple arguing over which ceramic birds to buy as a gift for a friend. They spent 20 minutes picking out the ones with the best expression and head tilt. Then they didn't want to pay for the $2 gift wrap (the friend must not be that special; I wrapped them in tissue and put them in a t-shirt bag) and kept asking me if they could get a gift receipt. Maybe I am a jerky Scrooge, but if it is that hard to pick out a gift for someone and you don't even know if they will like it at all and must give a gift receipt, maybe they don't need a gift. Or maybe you should just give them cash. I want to start a revolution. There is no shame in a gift card. This is the future.
-A different couple yesterday was looking at knives. "I'm confused by your signs. You have them listed in centimeters here, but not in the display case." It was obvious that she wanted to show off her knowledge of the metric system. It was a big fail though. Faking that you don't understand imperial measurements makes you look stupid. Also, look at the fucking knives. Which one looks like it's 9 centimeters? And that particular one was a completely different shape from all the other knives in the case. Match the picture to the item. You know a centimeter; imagine 9 of them.
-And my favorite. A woman called asking if we had a scentless room deodorizer. Her problem was that the bathroom at her work has no ventilation, and when people stink it up (my words, not hers), other co-workers complain about it. But when she puts in odor masking aids, the co-workers complain that the "fake perfumey" smells bother their allergies. I told her about the wildly popular spray and crystals we sell, but mentioned that they DO still have a scent and that even though they are quite pleasant and natural, they are still a scent. I wanted to tell her that maybe she should tell her sensitive yet complaining co-workers that they will just have to wallow in each others' shit clouds. But I didn't. But I think she should.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Showing off the quick release foam
Yesterday it was raining hard when we were bringing in the outdoor furniture. We had to tilt the cushions up so the water could drain out of the quick release foam.
It looks like rain again today.
Ugh.
It looks like rain again today.
Ugh.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Table Lady.
A woman was interested in a small side table and asked me to put it on hold while she thought about it. She came back about an hour later and said she would buy it. When I rang up her purchase, she got an angry look and said "That's not right!" and started going off about how when she was in earlier (an hour before), the price was $50 less.
Ah. That game. Lady, I've played it before. See, the customer acts irate and keeps mentioning the price they thought was correct (a.k.a. the price they want to pay) for the item. In the case yesterday, she kept saying "it was like $130!". They are hoping that the clerk will freak out and panic and lower the price because "the customer is always right." Sometimes the customer will escalate the situation to accusations. "YOU changed the price!" The woman yesterday was very close to it. I was silently daring her. Come on. Go ahead. Tell me I raised the price as soon as you left. Say it aloud and listen to your own bullshit.
The weirdest part about situations like this is that they are still a sort of conversation. The customer says all these crazy angry things and then shut up and wait for a response. When this happened with the table lady, I did the following things:
1. read the price tags aloud. "This is the regular price," I said, "and this is the sale price."
2. looked in our sale book to confirm the prices. I also read these prices out loud.
3. suggested that maybe she had seen a different round side table with the same price. Even though I knew we didn't have anything like her table in her suggested price range, we went on a hunt through the store looking at every table. And when this didn't produce any results, I
4. noted that there was a slight smudge on the plastic sleeve holding the price tag for her table and maybe that smudge made the 9 look like a 3?
5. asked her if she wanted me to hold the table a little longer if she needed to think about it.
Basically, "Bitch. Give it up."
"Oh, I'll just get it!" she said. And then what does she do? She pulls out a wad of cash, for the exact amount of the table as it's posted.
Games, I tell you. Fucking playing games.
Ah. That game. Lady, I've played it before. See, the customer acts irate and keeps mentioning the price they thought was correct (a.k.a. the price they want to pay) for the item. In the case yesterday, she kept saying "it was like $130!". They are hoping that the clerk will freak out and panic and lower the price because "the customer is always right." Sometimes the customer will escalate the situation to accusations. "YOU changed the price!" The woman yesterday was very close to it. I was silently daring her. Come on. Go ahead. Tell me I raised the price as soon as you left. Say it aloud and listen to your own bullshit.
The weirdest part about situations like this is that they are still a sort of conversation. The customer says all these crazy angry things and then shut up and wait for a response. When this happened with the table lady, I did the following things:
1. read the price tags aloud. "This is the regular price," I said, "and this is the sale price."
2. looked in our sale book to confirm the prices. I also read these prices out loud.
3. suggested that maybe she had seen a different round side table with the same price. Even though I knew we didn't have anything like her table in her suggested price range, we went on a hunt through the store looking at every table. And when this didn't produce any results, I
4. noted that there was a slight smudge on the plastic sleeve holding the price tag for her table and maybe that smudge made the 9 look like a 3?
5. asked her if she wanted me to hold the table a little longer if she needed to think about it.
Basically, "Bitch. Give it up."
"Oh, I'll just get it!" she said. And then what does she do? She pulls out a wad of cash, for the exact amount of the table as it's posted.
Games, I tell you. Fucking playing games.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Chili Pepper Light Man
Guess who's back. Chili pepper light guy. I am sure it is the same man. Every year, he either stops by the store or calls inquiring about chili pepper lights. And every year we have the same conversation.
CPLM: Hi! Do you guys have any pepper lights?
Clerk (me): Pepper lights?
CPLM: Yea! You know! Like a string of lights that look like peppers!
Clerk: Oh! We don't! Sorry!
CPLM: Man! I can't believe you don't have them! They're so cool! Do you think you'll be getting any? Maybe for Cinco de Mayo?
Clerk: I don't know! I haven't heard that we were getting any. We've had them in the past, but I don't know if we'll get them in again.
CPLM: Well, you should tell your boss to get them! They are so fun!
Clerk: Yea! They are fun! Ok, bye!
When I first started this job, there was one lonely string of tangled pepper lights in the clearance room. They had already been down there for half a decade. That was the only time I got to make Chili Pepper Light Man's day: selling him those clearance lights. But he comes back every year, hoping to score.
Monday, April 26, 2010
A Very Merry Unbirthday
Our store sends out a birthday coupon to customers on our mailing list. When people redeem the coupon, I often wish them a "Happy Birthday" as they walk away from the register. I think it is a nice change from Haveaniceday or Enjoythesunshine and other robot phrases. Sometimes, and I love this, when I say Happy Birthday, the customer will say "You too." I know it is because they aren't really listening, but I think it's funny.
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