-the other day I had several customers that smelled like sausage. It was grossing me out. I mean, I love sausage, but not as a stink cloud on the clothes and hair of strangers.
-I told a customer their total by using the phrase "it is going to be (insert proper dollar amount)". Smartyface man replies with a snotty "it's going to be? does that mean it's not right now?". I couldn't tell if he was trying to be cute or superior. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was a little ashamed. I felt stupid for some reason. Excuse me, sir, for being so numb to certain rote phrases that I sub-consciously change them up just to keep my mouth from getting bored and quitting.
-We are selling these solar powered dancing flowers and they amuse me greatly because the weather is so shitty and gray they won't dance.
-I had a woman argue with me about her total the other day. She thought I was undercharging her. I went over all the prices again and checked the computer total 4 times, but she kept insisting that I was missing something. "My math is pretty good" she informed me. I wasn't quite sure how to proceed. Usually people will give up when you start listing the prices and the subtotal and the amount of tax. When you flip the screen at the them and get out the calculator as back up, they believe you. But this woman kept at it. Finally she realized she was adding something twice or something dumb like that. NOT THAT GOOD AT MATH.
-I love it when customers tell me to wrap breakable things. It is our policy to wrap breakable merchandise. We have stacks of paper, bubble wrap, and foams at the ready for the sole purpose of getting items home safely. But I can only do one thing at a time, so while I am using my hands to finish a transaction, customers might tell me to do something else, often the very thing I was going to do next. I have a fantasy where I just throw all their fragile purchases into a plastic sack, not even gently, and hand it to them with a straight face.