Friday, June 10, 2011

might i suggest a male stripper?

Hello!  I was really hoping that you would come in today!  Preferably at the very last five minutes and ask me what you should get your friend for their birthday!

Fuck.  Ok, ok, I can do this.  I can help you find the perfect gift, I tell myself, while the devil on my other shoulder says that I can't and reminds me of all my closing chores.

"Do they drink?"  please drink.  please be drinkers.  "Like wine or cocktails?  Bar accessories can be fun!"  Maybe this is always my first suggestion because situations like this make ME want a drink.

"Yes!  They do.  They love wine!"

YES!  "Look at these fine things . . ."

"Hm.  Well, these are cute, but I want something more . . . "


"YES!  Special!"

Of course you do.  You reek of special.

I trot you around the store and show you all the cutest specialest things I can find.  You shoot every single suggestion down.  ARGH!  Are you so delusional as to think that you can wander in here last minute and find a gift that makes you look like you REALLY CARE when you only sort of do?

And why do you have to make it my fault?

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