Sunday, April 28, 2013

How To Poop At Work

1. Scope out all possible bathrooms.  Sometimes the closest one is not the best; you can run into co-workers or echo farting noises out into hallways.  Some of the best bathrooms are tucked away in ugly closets.

2. Carry a scent masker.  Matches are great, but the burning smell can alarm some people.  Room sprays work, but super floral or perfumey ones annoy people with scent allergies.  A natural, essential oil spray is great because it smells like aromatherapy or some gentle cleaning.  Some people may still have problems with these scents, but more people will be okay with citrus essential oil spray than fake lilac spray.  

3. Eat properly.  A diet rich in fiber makes for efficient poops that eliminate the need to camp out with an US Weekly farting for hours.

4. If possible, poop when you feel it.  If you work some place where extra bathroom time can be a problem, use the diarrhea excuse.

5. Though it is wasteful, the "double flush" method is effective for odor control:  Flush IMMEDIATELY after pooping, then again for the paper.



  1. But I LIKE to camp out and read US Weekly for hours!

  2. Miss your blog posts. Please continue to entertain this retail employee. Your stories are the best!