stingy with the hatchback

I have said before how weird it is that so many customers don't think their furniture purchases will fit in their huge cars/vehicles/SUVS. The weirdness turns to annoyance when

1) they won't measure items. Somehow they think eyeballing it will do, even as they express doubt that it will fit.

"I think this will fit in the back of my car. Can you carry it out for me?" [I find people to carry it out. They gird themselves for the lift. The customer returns.] "You know what, I don't know if it's going to fit!" And then we don't even get to try.

2) they don't even begin to trust me when I suggest that it probably will fit in their car, regardless of my relatively good spatial skills (which, to be fair, they probably don't know I have) and the fact that I am at the store all day, measuring shit and helping people with the exact same scenario.

I don't know about other clerks, but I'm not even going to suggest shoving something in your car unless I'm pretty damn sure it will fit.

I'm going to blog the shit out of you

The other day I had this customer come in 50 minutes before the store closed and purchase a LARGE, HEAVY piece of furniture. I started the whole delivery-for-a-nominal-fee versus "free" pick-up conversation. The customer asked (basically quote) "don't you have some beefy guys that can throw it in the back of my truck?" And I'm, like, "No." I thought he was joking. His tone was even sort of jokey, so I was playful. But when I chuckled and said no, shit got desperately serious.

He actually thought that we paid warehouse guys to stand around the store JUST IN CASE someone wanted to cheap out on delivery and have them hall a clearance floor model piece of furniture to a customer vehicle instead. The customer became pissy and wondered off to bitch into his cell phone. Meanwhile, I called the warehouse in a panic, hoping that someone was still there and that they would be able to hotfoot it over and haul the merch.

Luckily, someone was at the warehouse and he cheerfully came to help. BUT bitchy man customer was still put out EVEN THOUGH HE WAS GETTING EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED (in all caps). He sat and pouted for the 12 minutes it took the warehouse staff to get there. I couldn't even look at him. When I did get a glimpse of him in my peripheral, I wanted to puke because he felt the need to keep being a jerk with this silent pissy attitude. Like, let it go man. And though the same could be said for ME, I will say in my defense that I get over situations pretty quickly. If there is some residual crappiness, I write there. But I honestly try to be humble, see both sides, and fucking forgive.

All I could think to pacify myself when he was sitting there is: "I'm gonna blog the shit out of you, unreasonable, stupid man." And that was reassuring.

Ottoman

Today this young woman bought an ottoman. She asked for "help" carrying it out to her car, which ended up being me carrying the ottoman. It was actually very light.

The crappy thing was that she wouldn't let her boyfriend/husband help me when he asked if I needed help. And then he was okay with me carrying it. The three of us walked to their Lexus; me, the shortest and smallest, hauling the ottoman, the husband commenting on how it was weird to have someone else carry things, and the wife fumbling for her keys.

I don't mind helping people when they have injuries, but being the pack mule for 2 more than able bodied Americans is weird. Sac up you fucking jerks. You let a small girl clerk haul your ottoman. You are useless. We are all laughing and rolling eyes at you.

The (sh)It Bag

I just learned that my store spends $18,000 a year on plastic bags. They are heavy-duty plastic with our logo printed on them and we use 3 different sizes, the largest one capable of bearing 35-40 pounds.

We are a locally owned business, one-of-a-kind, with the original owner still acting as buyer. We employee 20-40 people depending on the time of year. So $18,000 a year is like, a full-time minimum wage worker's yearly salary.

Personally, I hate taking bags at stores. For many years, I have avoided it whenever possible. I am THRILLED that it is becoming fashionable to have your own tote or to not use a bag at all, especially when it is something ridiculous to have in a bag, like a bag.

It has been my routine when ringing up a customer to ask if they "need" a bag, instead of automatically putting items in bags or asking if they "want" a bag. Whether they are aware of it or not, people actually consider whether or not they need a bag.

It seems like one of the simplest things we all can do to help each other out. Not only are we creating less waste when we don't take bags; it may also help that store to stay in business. It is a small thing, but those things add up. Those large plastic bags cost us $.45 apiece. Think about how much a bag costs next time you take one. If we started charging customers for each bag they "needed," you can bet they would be more willing to throw items in their purse or hold them under their arms.

One thing that customers always say that I am so tired of hearing is "I bring my canvas bags with me, but I always forget them in the car!" And everyone is too lazy to go back to their car to get their bags. No way would they pile groceries back in their cart after paying and put them in the bags at the car. I tell customers, in an encouraging way, that it is just a matter of retraining yourself. But people seem very slow to change their methods.

One customer made the most brilliant statement. She was shopping with a friend and the friend tried to pull the "I forgot my bags in the car" routine. Customer said "You know what I do when I forget my bags? I carry everything out in my arms. It is awkward and embarrassing, but I do it to punish myself. After doing that 3 or 4 times, I didn't forget my bags anymore."

Sometimes, it is possible for a customer to be my hero, if just for one day.

Someday I will tell you the saddest plastic bag story in the world.