Blue Tuesday

I switched days this week with a co-worker, so I get a reprieve from Freak Out Wednesday.

I am back from vacation and so sad. I always hate coming back from trips and my sadness is compounded by the fact that I have to delay my plans to move closer to my boyfriend because I do not have enough money. There I was, back at work, pacing, dismayed by my delay without an end date and nearly imploding from the boredom and tedium. When I acknowledged that I must go to work and excel in order to make the money, I almost lost all semblance of sanity.

Since going out of my gourd and fleeing the store is not a viable option, I gave into an activity which may not be healthy, but sustains me in times of work panic: play shopping! I fondle merchandise which has never previously seemed attractive. A bamboo cutting board, elongated for the serving and slicing of fish? With a groove on the edge to catch the juices? I sort of need it! Especially with all the parties I host. I really don't have enough serving pieces. Ok, maybe I don't host parties, but I want to start, and maybe this lovely cutting board will be just the thing to inspire me!

When I actually type out the thoughts that went through my mind, I want to throw up. That is not the sort of person I am, right? Delusional, materialistic, irrational? The desire to host parties is okay, but thinking that a cutting board with prompt me to do it is insane. That is the thought process a hoarder goes through, right before they are crushed by a mountain of stuff.

I tossed the cutting board back onto the shelf. I don't need to acquire items to get what I want, I need to sell them. Let the merciless commerce begin.

Mid May

-After attending the bachelorette party of my co-worker friend, held at a pole-dancing fitness studio, I fear that I do not even have stripping as a back-up career option. My pole work was pathetic and my lap dance was lacking.

-I hate teacher gifts. It's always busy parents trying to find just the right gift, something that says "thank you for making my child a functioning human" but they need it right now! and they don't want to spend any money. I have an idea for a teacher gift: instead of burdening them with worthless knick-knacks, get over the ridiculous supposed secrecy of the value of a gift and just give your precious teacher money. They can use it on their student loans or their retirement.

-You would be surprised at the number of customers that bring back broken ceramic bakeware. One customer in particular has had her pan replaced 3 times, even after blatant misuse. Sometimes I remind customers that ceramic products can break. "The downside is that ceramic pans can break." I actually have to tell people that.

-There is a vagrant man that sometimes parks his carts outside the benchs near our store. I was watching him one day and thinking about what a pain it must be to wheel all that shit around. Then I looked at our customers buying shit they don't need. If they can be consumers, why can't the crazy homeless man be a hoarder as well?