Blue Tuesday

I switched days this week with a co-worker, so I get a reprieve from Freak Out Wednesday.

I am back from vacation and so sad. I always hate coming back from trips and my sadness is compounded by the fact that I have to delay my plans to move closer to my boyfriend because I do not have enough money. There I was, back at work, pacing, dismayed by my delay without an end date and nearly imploding from the boredom and tedium. When I acknowledged that I must go to work and excel in order to make the money, I almost lost all semblance of sanity.

Since going out of my gourd and fleeing the store is not a viable option, I gave into an activity which may not be healthy, but sustains me in times of work panic: play shopping! I fondle merchandise which has never previously seemed attractive. A bamboo cutting board, elongated for the serving and slicing of fish? With a groove on the edge to catch the juices? I sort of need it! Especially with all the parties I host. I really don't have enough serving pieces. Ok, maybe I don't host parties, but I want to start, and maybe this lovely cutting board will be just the thing to inspire me!

When I actually type out the thoughts that went through my mind, I want to throw up. That is not the sort of person I am, right? Delusional, materialistic, irrational? The desire to host parties is okay, but thinking that a cutting board with prompt me to do it is insane. That is the thought process a hoarder goes through, right before they are crushed by a mountain of stuff.

I tossed the cutting board back onto the shelf. I don't need to acquire items to get what I want, I need to sell them. Let the merciless commerce begin.

Oh god! What will I do if I get what I want?

I have a secret plan and I need money for it. The realization is setting in that I might need to get temporary part time work for the money to accumulate at an acceptable rate. There is a branch in this plan that involves maybe being able to take on a co-worker's shift, which would help her out in the short term and be easier than finding a different part time job in a town which is over-run with college students applying for those same temporary jobs.

Then I was thinking about it this morning: Can I handle another day at the store every week? I doubt I will even be allowed to work her shift, but will I be secretly glad if they don't let me? The idea of being scolded for the crappy economy, pacing past items I can't afford, and listening to people sample food seems unbearable. But I have already locked myself into my co-worker's plan.

My only choice really is to let things happen and go from there. It will take great mental strength if I get the other shift, but my end goal is TOTALLY WORTH IT! And if they don't let me work, I will use this temporary part time need to try to get a weird job at some place where I would normally lack the courage to apply.

Here's to having goals, whatever they might be! Cheers!

It's a great time to be in love.

As you may have heard, our economy is going tits up and everyone is freaking out except my stingy brother who told me: "The people that make money through a recession are those that do not PANIC."

Everyday news is bad, but I try to keep up the "Don't Panic!" mantra, if not to keep myself calm, then to avoid giving customers the satisfaction of smelling fear, which they love. I work with a giddy laugh and a coy smile; I haven't a care in the world.

But it is nerve wracking when hours are whittled away, benefits shrink, and people are squeezed out like painful little turds. I lose sleep thinking how it is not the time to be working high-end retail.

Then a wonderful thing happened; my co-worker got engaged. Since her's is a cute dreamy love story that had a sad beginning and what looks to be a happy ending, we are all feeding off her love and excitement. It is the best thing that has happened in weeks. Everyone is all smiles now, even as we accept buyer's remorse returns and sell merchandise 50% below cost. It is so great that I am thinking of faking engagement to my lover once this first excitement wears off.

But I have a secret too. My lover gave me a present, more precious to me than some hand-me-down ring: a sweet-ass résumé!  Just in case.