Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Get a mint

-I had someone ask for a biscuit knife.  What the heck is a biscuit knife.  Biscuits seems like one food where any old knife will work for cutting.  But who knows?  I could be missing some enriched biscuit experience. (doubt it though).

-Real customer quote: "Will we ever find a cheese cutter??  It is this ongoing problem!"

-It is usually amusing to overhear the kind of customer that discovered everything first.  I call it the Naysayer-Trendsetter Routine.  The customer walks around and, often quite vocally, puts everything down.  Then they talk about they had it first like 7 years ago and now it is EVERYWHERE. 

-Sometimes I don't understand how people can't find things.  Do they lack the ability to go to a store and read and use their eyes?  Do they not know how to turn on a computer and type in the thing they want?  Do they find phone books and alphabets truly impossible?  Or are they just LAZY?

-If you have bad breath, go to a dentist.  Work on it because it's a problem.  I know there are a lot of people that probably can't afford fancy shit like dentistry, but they aren't my customers; I'm selling people $300 soup pots and $10,000 sofas.  Chew some gum, suck a mint, eat some parsley, and take a step back.  Please do not get in my personal space and sigh in my fucking face.  Your death breath is gross and distracting and makes me dry heave.  Thank you.

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