Book: Unlikely Friendships

Have you seen this book?

I see it everywhere.  We tell tons of copies.

A big ol' "Why didn't I think of that?"

People were buying 20 at a time.  "The perfect gift for anyone for anything," customers say.

It's only a matter of time before someone gifts me a copy.  And then the cycle will be complete.

mutha's day

I know it's my job to help people find gifts, but I get so sad and distracted when people ask for help finding gifts for the following:

1) mother-in-law who has EVERYTHING, is wealthy, is moving, is picky, and is diabetic. Maybe she just needs some flowers and a card?

2) best friend. You just said she is your BEST FRIEND. Shouldn't you know what to get her?

3) daughter or daughter -in-law. This is hard, especially for mother's day and especially when you start to describe her parenting style and tell me that she is very specific. This makes me think that nothing you will pick will be right anyway, so why put too much thought into it?

4)Grandmother in a nursing home. With dementia. Maybe she needs a hug and not a dustcatcher? Sending her a trinket is not the same as your feeling your touch and hearing your voice.

Or maybe everyone needs some nice soaps and bath oils.

If you care enough to care

The other day I had a customer buy a few items, including a card. The price tag was stuck right on the card since it was not one of those with the wasteful plastic sleeve. We were half way through the transaction when the customer became pissed that the price tag would not cleanly come off the card.

I asked if she wanted to return it, half serious, because usually when I ask that for any customer hesitations, they say, "well, no!" But this lady said yes and then scolded me for putting price tags on the cards. "You should just have a sign that says that price of the cards!" I couldn't even respond. She wouldn't understand. She is obviously not one to observe the quantity and scale and enormity of the card section and the pace at which it rotates. Perhaps she thinks she is in a old-timey general store.

Sugar...8 cents per pound.
Eggs...20 cents a dozen.
Cards...$3.50 each

As I have stated before, who fucking cares how much a card costs? Don't most people know that they can cost anywhere from free to $6? Who was scandalized last time they went to Hallmark? Besides, people throw cards away, and probably before a date that the issuer would find acceptable. Maybe if the tag was left on, the recipient would keep it for a few years out of guilt.

More thoughts on Teacher Gifts

It's that time of year again! Mothers are going crazy for teacher gifts, trying to find the perfect trinket in 5 minutes and spending as little money as possible. We have a whole display for them: "Teacher Gifts for $30 or less."

I made a comment to my co-worker about how cash would be a better gift. It could be put towards student loans or retirement (which I have said on this blog. just trying out comments in different places. repeating myself. nattering.). My co-worker replied that once teachers are established, they actually do quite well for themselves and don't need retirement money.

But you know what? I still think cash would be better. I guess I just hate the thoughtless, duty-driven gifts. I never see people shopping with thoughts of what the teacher might like; if they have 4 kids, they buy 4 identical insulated lunch bags.

Gift cards are also good. But for some reason alot of customer hate the gift card suggestion. They don't actually have any idea about what to get, but they want the recipient to think that they do and therefore find gift cards to be a shameful gift. Most people love a gift card. I think my mother is the only person that dislikes them.

As I have never been given teacher gifts, I suppose I'm not in a position to degrade them. But when I see all the bags of useless leaving the store, I cringe for whoever is on the receiving end.

Freak Out Wednesday: We are April's Fools

Even before it began, I couldn't wait for this day to be over.


3. I had an elderly couple return a teapot because it dribbled from the spout. They brought in pages from a website that showed how to make teapots that don't dribble. I'll get right on that first thing tomorrow and fax those to China.

4. Today I said "hello" to a woman that was in the store. "I'm getting a gift wrapped," was her response. Oh, okay, great, I say hi because it's my job, not because I want to buy you a drink or be best friends or sell you more things. When her gift wrap was brought up, she interrupted me when I asked if she needed a bag to tell me that she needed a bag because "it's going on a plane." Uh, I thought wrapped gifts are planes were a no-no, bad idea, waste of everyone's time. Well, more money for us.

5. Staring out the window into the street, I saw a nerdy white kid with dreads, slap scratching his dead like a dog. Eww.

Cute customer tricks part 2

One of the soap companies we deal with is doing this little promo right now. They have these little cellophane bags that perfectly fit a large bar of soap or a box of lotion or a tiny tube of lotion and a tiny bar of soap. The bag is designed to fit a bar of soap 2.75"x4"x1.5".

So today this customer brought up an armload of toiletries, separated it into 3 groups and told me she wanted each group in a little gift bag. She immediately walked away to look at other things. The problem was that her gift groupings would not FIT in the little bag. She had picked full sized products. The full size lotion barely fit into a bag on its own. The bag pleats were strained and the bottle stuck out of the top. They looked like weird condoms for toiletries.

When she came back, I explained the problem and held up the bagged bar of soap to show her how the bags were designed to fit a bar of soap, but not much more. She looked at me like I was a flipping idiot. Like somehow, I should be able to magically enlarge the bags with my mind so that she is not burdened, like I was an asshole for not fulfilling her requests.

I bet she is one of those people that hogs the overhead compartment on planes with her stupidly placed carry-on and her bulky jacket. No spatial sense what-so-ever. Ugh.

Cute customer tricks part 1

We do not offer free gift wrap at our store and this has given me the chance to observe interesting customer behavior.

Customers want free gift wrap, so often they will wait until you have completed the sale to mention that they want gift wrap. The first 50 times this happened, I actually thought people were just absent minded. Then, finally, I realized what was going on. They hope that by waiting, you won't charge them! "Oh, since I already rang it in . . ."

Well, chumps, that is not the case. I can and will run your card again, take a $4 check, and break a 50 dollar bill. As an hourly wage worker, I do not care how many transactions you make. We can ring up each of your items separately so your receipts are less confusing, if that is what you wish. It makes little difference to me.

So if when reading this, you feel that twinge in your body that is your brain acknowledging that you are one of those that try to play dumb and forgetful to get free gift wrap, take note. We are on to you. Knock it off.