Tuesdays are usually my days off. I worked today for someone else. I found it more difficult than usual to care. Instead, I was staving off boredom by eating jellybeans and other Easter candy. DANGER!
Last winter I gained 10 pounds and 5 cavities by laying into the jellybeans. After I have swept, dusted, made list upon list, read cooking books and made naughty copies of recipes to try, fluffed the pillows, checked out vendor websites, cleaned out my folder, pushed all the recliners back, straightened the fabric, watched for shoplifters, and made coffee, there is nothing more satisfying than trying orange and grape jellybeans together to see if I like that synergy of flavors better than the grape on their own.
I am sure the customers love it when I have that big old jellybean chaw betwixt my teeth and my craw.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Movies About Retail (sort of)
I just finished watching Last Holiday. I remember seeing previews and thinking how lame it looked. Well, it was awesome. It was funny, touching, and had a positive message that was only a little sappy. The protagonists worked in a retail store and were not dumbass youngsters or dreamless dumps of human beings. And it has an ending that is happy, yet not completely unrealistic. This clerk gives it two thumbs up!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Sunday Funday
Sundays are family and couple days at our store. People are out and about, strolling with their kids or their mate and they might wander in and play with gadgets and sit on some sofas. There I am, creepy clerk, bored, possible hungover and over caffeinated, leering from behind the counter or windowpane.
Depending on my mood, customer watching can make me depressed or thankful: depressed that I can't have a leisurely Sunday with my lover or thankful that I am not dating a jerk and we are fighting about furniture at 11:08 on a Sunday morning.
Sundays are a day that people, especially woman, often have on a nice little outfit. Maybe they have gone to church or they just wanted to get a little dolled up for an afternoon of shopping. They are trying out new accessories and shoes and are stressed because they didn't transfer all their necessities from one handbag to the next.
I observed one dressed up woman, doing her best to be polished and chic, walking a little awkwardly in some heels. She was following her boyfriend, who didn't slow his pace so that she could keep up. I watched them as they went from our store to a coffee shop down the street and from the coffee shop back to their car. He never walked with her, but always 2 paces ahead of her. I saw their mouths moving, so they were talking, and they didn't look angry, like "Eff you! I'm walking back here!" They were just together but not. It made me feel sort of sad.
Customers are people too, I guess.
Depending on my mood, customer watching can make me depressed or thankful: depressed that I can't have a leisurely Sunday with my lover or thankful that I am not dating a jerk and we are fighting about furniture at 11:08 on a Sunday morning.
Sundays are a day that people, especially woman, often have on a nice little outfit. Maybe they have gone to church or they just wanted to get a little dolled up for an afternoon of shopping. They are trying out new accessories and shoes and are stressed because they didn't transfer all their necessities from one handbag to the next.
I observed one dressed up woman, doing her best to be polished and chic, walking a little awkwardly in some heels. She was following her boyfriend, who didn't slow his pace so that she could keep up. I watched them as they went from our store to a coffee shop down the street and from the coffee shop back to their car. He never walked with her, but always 2 paces ahead of her. I saw their mouths moving, so they were talking, and they didn't look angry, like "Eff you! I'm walking back here!" They were just together but not. It made me feel sort of sad.
Customers are people too, I guess.
Shoplifter!
Yesterday while I was on my break, one of my co-workers stopped some guy from shoplifting a $1200 espresso machine. It was a classic case of larger items being stolen because they don't fit in bags and people just walk out.
Apparently he was acting sketchy and didn't know she was watching him. When he got within 8 feet of the door, my co-worker said something like "cool coffee maker, huh?" and she said he got the "oh shit! fight or flight" look. At that point he took the box over to the counter, caused a fuss because filters didn't come with the appliance, and decided not to "buy" it.
This sort of thing really pisses me off. We are a small store and if he had stolen the coffeemaker, we would have been in so much trouble. Management would have seriously bitched us out, brought back our worthless Loss Prevention woman, and reinstated the "greeter," a humiliating position because it makes our customers feel uncomfortable. "Am I at Walmart?"
We have already cut back on so much in order to save money during this tough economic time. Shoplifters are not just stealing from the store where I work, they are stealing from ME and taking money that is for my payroll.
There are different levels of Loss Prevention, different goals and techniques. I am down at the very bottom, on level with shoplifters. It is primitive, animalistic, and personal. I come to work so that I might have food, water, and shelter. So eff you shoplifters, I will not play stupid clerk so that you can steal luxury kitchen items. I can't afford them either, jerks.
Apparently he was acting sketchy and didn't know she was watching him. When he got within 8 feet of the door, my co-worker said something like "cool coffee maker, huh?" and she said he got the "oh shit! fight or flight" look. At that point he took the box over to the counter, caused a fuss because filters didn't come with the appliance, and decided not to "buy" it.
This sort of thing really pisses me off. We are a small store and if he had stolen the coffeemaker, we would have been in so much trouble. Management would have seriously bitched us out, brought back our worthless Loss Prevention woman, and reinstated the "greeter," a humiliating position because it makes our customers feel uncomfortable. "Am I at Walmart?"
We have already cut back on so much in order to save money during this tough economic time. Shoplifters are not just stealing from the store where I work, they are stealing from ME and taking money that is for my payroll.
There are different levels of Loss Prevention, different goals and techniques. I am down at the very bottom, on level with shoplifters. It is primitive, animalistic, and personal. I come to work so that I might have food, water, and shelter. So eff you shoplifters, I will not play stupid clerk so that you can steal luxury kitchen items. I can't afford them either, jerks.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Wedding registries
Yesterday I had a customer that was looking for a wedding gift. We do wedding registries at our store, so this sort of shopping is a daily occurrence. In this instance though, the customer had a registry from another store.
She was looking for some dumb appliance that was on the registry, like a coffee griddle rotisserie chicken maker, and was perturbed that we didn't have it. First, I had to gingerly deduce whether or not she was knew that she was not at Crate & Barrel (where the registry was from). And I had to explain that we might have similar items, but not all the exact same items. I gave her some ideas and off she went.
While I am proud and thankful that she chose to "shop local" and support our store, I have a feeling that we may get those items back, making all of her effort and mine a big waste of time. She is not getting the couple the exact items they want and since she is buying them elsewhere, they are not being taken off the registry. There is a very good chance that the couple will get multiples of those items and bring ours back because they not the right ones.
We will see.
She was looking for some dumb appliance that was on the registry, like a coffee griddle rotisserie chicken maker, and was perturbed that we didn't have it. First, I had to gingerly deduce whether or not she was knew that she was not at Crate & Barrel (where the registry was from). And I had to explain that we might have similar items, but not all the exact same items. I gave her some ideas and off she went.
While I am proud and thankful that she chose to "shop local" and support our store, I have a feeling that we may get those items back, making all of her effort and mine a big waste of time. She is not getting the couple the exact items they want and since she is buying them elsewhere, they are not being taken off the registry. There is a very good chance that the couple will get multiples of those items and bring ours back because they not the right ones.
We will see.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Retail Highlights 3.27
Here are some highlights from the past few days, including customer quotes and interactions:
1. "All of our money comes from China. They'll probably start printing it there." (Customer reaction to the fact that many items are produced in China).
2. A customer walked up to me and began complaining because we are having a big sale and she had her birthday coupon. She was pissed because we can't combine discounts and wanted to carry over her coupon. I explained that we could do one discount or the other, but she still wasn't happy. So I asked her to tell me what items she was wondering about and I would figure out the bigger discount. "Oh, I don't want anything yet." was her response.
3. A customer lost her keys. She came up to me and frantically gave me her name and number "for when we found them." In my years in retail, I have noticed that usually when people loose their keys, glasses, or credit card, it is on their person, but just not in the usual spot. I didn't suggest this to her because I wasn't sure how receptive she would be. She found them. They were in her car. That counts as me being right.
4. A couple came in looking to replace their box cheese grater. They melted their last one in the dishwasher. I was showing them some different styles and they expressed concern that they would be hard to clean. They didn't think I was funny when I said "I think if your dishwasher is hot enough to melt plastic, it can melt cheese."
5. Little girl shopping with her mom, looking at the candy, said (with fake British accent) "I do SO love fudge." I can't stop saying this now.
1. "All of our money comes from China. They'll probably start printing it there." (Customer reaction to the fact that many items are produced in China).
2. A customer walked up to me and began complaining because we are having a big sale and she had her birthday coupon. She was pissed because we can't combine discounts and wanted to carry over her coupon. I explained that we could do one discount or the other, but she still wasn't happy. So I asked her to tell me what items she was wondering about and I would figure out the bigger discount. "Oh, I don't want anything yet." was her response.
3. A customer lost her keys. She came up to me and frantically gave me her name and number "for when we found them." In my years in retail, I have noticed that usually when people loose their keys, glasses, or credit card, it is on their person, but just not in the usual spot. I didn't suggest this to her because I wasn't sure how receptive she would be. She found them. They were in her car. That counts as me being right.
4. A couple came in looking to replace their box cheese grater. They melted their last one in the dishwasher. I was showing them some different styles and they expressed concern that they would be hard to clean. They didn't think I was funny when I said "I think if your dishwasher is hot enough to melt plastic, it can melt cheese."
5. Little girl shopping with her mom, looking at the candy, said (with fake British accent) "I do SO love fudge." I can't stop saying this now.
Monday, March 23, 2009
"Mommies"
I realized I mention "mommies" alot and wanted to say something about them. I don't want it to seem that I hate all mothers. Mommies come up a lot in my posts because alot of our customers are mommies and, honestly, sometimes they do some really weird things.
There is a certain percentage of mothers, the ones I label "mommies", that have an entitled attitude. They talk to non-mommies like incomplete people and seem to be oblivious that some suffer from maladies worse than unconfirmed food allergies. We are supposed to be grateful that they reproduced and forgive them for everything they might say or do.
I repeat: I do not hate mothers. I am just saying that mothers can be assholes too.
There is a certain percentage of mothers, the ones I label "mommies", that have an entitled attitude. They talk to non-mommies like incomplete people and seem to be oblivious that some suffer from maladies worse than unconfirmed food allergies. We are supposed to be grateful that they reproduced and forgive them for everything they might say or do.
I repeat: I do not hate mothers. I am just saying that mothers can be assholes too.
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